Step parents have it much harder than biological parents and here is why
1. Being a step parents role is rarely defined
When you have a blended family a step parent usually does not get called “mom” or “dad” no matter how much more they do than the biological parent. The biological parent may rarely see the child but automatically gets the name “dad” or “mom” is this fair? No but fair does not matter when it comes to parenting, does it?
2. You are damned if you do and you are damned if you don’t
Step parents get a bad rep for being mean even when they have done nothing different than the biological parent. No matter what the situation is for the child if you are laid back about the problem then “you don’t care” if you take the punishment route “you are mean.” Which leaves the step parent in a rough situation because however they choose to handle the situation they are doomed.
3. You are the forgotten parent
When your step child comes home from school and has to do a project on what their mom or dad does for a living, they usually feel obligated to do it on their biological parent even if that parent isn’t raising them. For the step parent it may feel like the biological parent gets all the praise and you often feel forgotten and unappreciated. When everyday you take the kids to school, you help them with their homework, you fix their lunch and you deal with the EX, which sometimes can be very difficult.
4. You often live in a state of uncertainty
Step parents can be easily confused about where they fit in, or how they fit in to their step-children’s lives. The kid can be resentful. They may act out or be difficult to deal with. If the biological parent is still active in the child’s life it can sometimes cause more chaos and make the child resent the step parent more. In which case, it is better all parents communicate and never talk negatively about one another. The drama between the step parent and the ex can confuse the child so it is best all parents are on the same page when it comes to the child.
5. “You are not my dad!” or “You are not my mom!”
This is probably the scariest thought that creeps in the mind of step parents. No step parent wants to hear those cruel words because although they aren’t biologically, they are still your parent. They raise you and guide you on a daily basis and rarely get credit for it. Biological or not, parents in general get little credit but it is much harder for the step parent. The child does not realize those words can really hurt because the step parent usually works harder than the biological parent to get the child’s approval. When they can’t get the approval it leaves them feeling left out and unappreciated.
I, myself am not a step parent. I have been raised by one though. I was lucky enough to have two dads which means loved twice as much. I don’t consider my step dad my “step dad,” I consider him my dad just like my biological father. Having a step father only made my heart bigger and made me a better person because he didn’t have to love me. He did not have to take me in as his own. He chose to love my brother and I as much as he loved his biological kids. I used to ask my step father if he loved me as much as he loved his biological son and daughter and he would always laugh and hug me and say, “You are my heart, you are my daughter. I love you as my own.” It’s funny because he may of had a hard time getting my approval in the beginning but now I am always striving to get his approval. I was two years old when he came into my life and it took me years to even hug him back because I loved my biological father and I felt disloyal if I loved another man as my father. My biological father encouraged me to love my step father however I chose because he knew they both played important roles in my life. When I was around 5 years old I had a talking dog and I broke it. I asked my step dad to fix it and he took the dog from me and spent hours fixing it for me. When he handed me my dog back unbroken, I hugged him and told him he was my hero and he was. That was the first time that my heart started to feel fixed and unbroken. That was when I finally let my guard down and let him in. I thank God that I did because to this day he is still my hero. I honestly am glad he chose to be my dad alongside my biological father because he showed me what love is. He is the reason why I have such a big heart because he has the biggest heart of any one I have ever met. He showed me that parenthood requires love not DNA.
I see biological parents walking out of their kids life all the time and step parents having to step up to the plate but end up getting taken for granted. If your biological parent walked out on you and you have a step parent who is at least trying then be grateful. A step parent is so much more than just a parent because they made a choice to love you when they didn’t have to. I’m sorry, but to man up and raise someone else’s child as your own, makes you not only a great step parent but it makes you a hero.
So here is to all the step parents out there. I applaud you. I respect you. You are appreciated. You are loved. Just remember any one can be a mother or father but it takes someone really special to be a step parent.